Mindfulness as Self-Care During Difficult Times

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is getting a great deal of attention in recent years, but there is often confusion about what exactly it is. Drawing on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, Rhonda V. Magee, and others, we can define mindfulness as paying attention, on purpose, with an attitude of friendly, open, non-judgmental curiosity and willingness to accept (for now) what arises.

Most of our waking moments are spent thinking – about what needs to be done (planning), what has happened (remembering/regretting), what might happen (worry), and what we think about situations, ourselves, others (judging). Even while we are actively doing things, our minds are often busy with something else entirely, not fully engaged with our present-moment actions. For most of us, unless we are intentional, very little of our time is spent being fully in the present moment. This is a hard concept in a culture that rewards productivity and action – simply being can feel like time wasted.

However, observing our thoughts and inner experiences creates space for knowing ourselves on a deeper level, separate from all the distractions of our busy lives with its constant demands and intrusions. What’s more, and perhaps most important, spending time intentionally training our attention gives rise to greater control over our attention – that is, the ability to direct our attention at will. This helps us cope better with constant distractions from inside and outside that vie for our attention.

Mindfulness also encourages us to observe our experiences with compassion, which softens the harshness we often have for ourselves and others. Mindfulness fosters wisdom. By seeing – and accepting – things just as they are, we open up space to see and know in new ways, and to base our actions in that deep knowledge.

Mindfulness Practice as a Form of Self-Care

The practice of mindfulness offers a way to calm the mind, center attention, and increase awareness, allowing us to truly experience our life as we live it. As mentioned above, principles of mindfulness encourage us to regard our thoughts with an accepting attitude, which helps us see things as they are in order to respond rather than mindlessly react. Non-judgment and self-compassion, cultivated by mindfulness, help us turn down the stream of negative self-talk that can lead to feeling irritable, anxious, and depressed. By noticing our thoughts and gently letting them go, without judgment, we give ourselves permission in those moments to not follow every thought that the mind produces. It’s a moment of quiet calm that can be accessed whenever it’s needed.

Mindfulness also improves ability to focus attention when needed. Many people struggle to screen out thoughts and distractions in order to focus. By paying close attention to our inner experiences, we are likely to learn what we really need, which can enhance how we approach our self-care. Imagine being able to eat and really taste your food…to be with friends and really soak up their company…to exercise and not judge yourself…to listen to music and really hear it…to treat yourself and really savor the experience.

Mindfulness as a Pathway to Connection

Mindfulness does not only offer benefits to the individual. When we cultivate mindfulness, we strengthen our ability to tolerate difficult situations. We increase our ability to sit with discomfort and complexity. Mindfulness helps us avoid automatically falling back into habitual ways of responding. All these things are needed in order to have difficult conversations, and to bridge differences.

Once we begin offering self-compassion to ourselves, it becomes natural to offer compassion to others, to be open to their experiences and suffering. This is perhaps the ultimate form of cura personalis – to witness and accept another’s experiences as valid, and to be open to what the other person truly needs. By cultivating a spirit of curiosity about others’ lived experiences, we lay the groundwork for joining with one another. As Rhonda V. Magee in The Inner Work of Racial Justice (2019) puts it, “These practices build the resilience we need to stay in the conversations and to deepen community when the going gets tough.”

During these complex and difficult times, so many issues compete for our attention. It is more important than ever that we take care of ourselves so that we are in a position to reflect, challenge our assumptions, listen well to understand others’ experiences, and support one another.

Practicing Mindfulness

A simple and accessible method of practicing mindfulness is to rest your attention on your breath:

1.Take 3 deep breaths, in and out through your nose, slowing and deepening each breath as you fill your lungs. Then breathe normally, allowing your breath to fall into a natural rhythm.

2.Now, simply observe your breath. Where in your body are you most aware of the sensations of breathing – in the rise and fall of your chest, at the tip of your nose, deep in your belly? Wherever it is, allow your attention to settle there, and observe that spot with curiosity.

3.When you notice that your mind has wandered away from your breath (which it will!), simply release from that thought and turn your attention back to your breath. Give yourself permission to not follow every thought that arises. This will happen more times than you expect, and that’s okay. Gently and non-judgmentally release and come back to your breath, as often as you need to.

4.When you are ready, take a few more deep breaths, noting how this feels, and gently bring your awareness back into your present surroundings, knowing you can call upon this skill whenever you need to.

Rachel Pierce, Ph.D., is the assistant director of the Rockhurst University Counseling Center

More Resources

Midweek “Pause Point” on Wednesdays at 4 p.m.

Sanvello app (full version available free on iOS and Android to all Rockhurst affiliates when you register with your RU email address)

The Mindful Twenty-Something by Holly B. Rogers (available in the RU bookstore and e-book from Greenlease Library)

The Inner Work of Racial Justice:  Healing Ourselves and Transforming Communities Through Mindfulness by Rhonda V. Magee

Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn