Choosing a college is perhaps the first major life decision a person makes. Where they choose to continue their education sparks not only their professional career, but has a huge impact on who they are as a person, and often introduces them to their lasting friends – and in some cases – a lifelong partner or spouse. No pressure.
To compound the challenges, this is one of the first times parents have to let their child determine their own direction.
It’s a tough go all around, but certainly not impossible, and definitely not without its rewards.
Here are some tips for parents as they guide their child from college application to enrollment:
1. It’s their journey, but you can help provide the guardrails
Your child is determining their future with this choice, so it has to be theirs. That doesn’t mean you’re not involved – not by any means. You can guide them indirectly through preparation and providing information. One of the most rewarding conversations to have is sitting at the kitchen table and talking with your child – usually before their junior year of high school – about what they want for their life: career goals, relationship goals, community involvement goals, etc.
It’s a chance to re-sync with your all-to-independent teenager and learn more about their interests and what drives them.
Set the goals, then determine the best paths to reach them. This is where college comes in. Academically, what will they need to look for? How far away do they want to go? What size classes do they prefer? How involved do they want to be in college, and in what ways? What can the family afford?
The guardrails begin to narrow and directions can start being determined, but they set the guardrails (based on your questions/discussion).
In the end, the student holds ownership over their direction and decision based on their own wants and desires.
2. Know the dates and set a timeline
Find out when applications can be submitted and start early. Knowing which schools your child can and cannot attend will help narrow choices down. Many schools are flexible with deadlines, so communicate with them if there’s a question.
Key dates and recommendations:
- Junior year: Begin narrowing your list and determine which schools to visit
- July (before senior year): Applications for the following fall are open
- October: Complete FAFSA (open until February 1)
- February: Most scholarship applications are due (start early!)
- February & April: Admitted Student Days
- May 1: Enrollment deposit is due
- TBD: Housing intent forms and applications are available after January 1
Set a timeline with your student with milestones to check as they pass. For example, determine which schools to visit by a certain date, complete a set amount of scholarship applications per month, decide when to narrow your choices down to a certain amount, etc.
3. Help prepare for decision day
Whether you have one or multiple decision days – either making a final choice or narrowing things down to 10 or 5 or 3, etc., help prepare for these days by deciding in advance what are the priorities for the school, then rate each one on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being top rated). These can be things like cost, support for your major, proximity to home, size, social scene, student involvement, student diversity, etc. Preparing for decision day will make the day run smoother with less stress. The discussion with your student about each category is another chance for meaningful moments they’ll remember.
4. Stress? What stress?
As mentioned, your student is facing one of the most important decisions of their young lives. They’re going to be stressed. You’re going to be stressed, too. There’s a lot going on. However, the calmer you can show through the process the better it will be for your student. Talk openly about your fears but remain calm about it – you’re in this together. Redirect the stress into the excitement that you get to walk this journey with your student before they leave the nest.
5. Actions have consequences… and benefits
Your student is driving the decision, so if they are like most teenagers there’s going to be some delays. Encourage them to keep discussing steps toward their decision, and to meet timeline goals, but if they don’t make it – let them experience realize the consequences. Protect them from missing major milestones (FAFSA, for example), but let them know what happens now that they’ve missed a goal. They’ll be on their own with these responsibilities next year. In the same way, celebrate milestones with a dinner out at their favorite restaurant – and continue to enjoy the valuable time you’re getting to spend together on this journey.
